We had to write this poem for a group one of the first weeks I was at EDCD. The class was primarily about learning how to distinguish your eating disorder self from your authentic self and it basically caused me to have a mid-mid-life crisis and made me realize I had no idea, at all, who I was without my eating disorder. So this poem, which was made to be written in about an hour took me a week-and-a-half, but I did finish it and am pretty proud of it. I’ve learned a lot about myself, about my eating disorder, about so many things since I wrote this and I think it all still stands true. I know that I still have a long ways to go as far as learning who I am, but I think this definitely gives me some good goals. I’m hoping there is a day that I can read this and say that it is who I am and not who I want to be, but we call that future-tripping in treatment so I’m just going to focus on who I am and where I am right now. 🙂
Hi! I’m Melissa,
I’m Melissa and honestly I’m not too sure who I am but I know for sure that I’m not my eating disorder.
Here’s who I think I am and who I’m trying to become:
I am intelligent.
I am a baby sister and a best friend.
I am a born and bred Hoosier.
I am organized and neat (sometimes a little too much).
I am incredibly independent (but I’m learning that it’s okay to ask for help too.)
I am a little fish in a big pond that is getting smaller.
I am caring and compassionate.
I am driven.
I am a Christian.
Sometimes I think I’m a burden.
(I’m working on believing that that’s not true.)
I am a student and a self-declared life-long learner.
I am a mentor and a leader.
Sometimes I am outgoing and passionate, sometimes I’m quiet and reserved.
I am a planner who is trying to learn to accept spontaneity.
Sometimes I feel ashamed and alone.
Sometimes I don’t know how to express how I feel.
I am athletic and outdoorsy.
I am always down for a good hike or a game of soccer.
I am both a dreamer and a doer (although I am a dreamer that could probably believe in her dreams a little more and a doer that could probably doubt herself less).
Sometimes I am brave, sometimes I’m scared.
I am giving.
I am someone who truly wants to make a difference (even if it’s just a small one).
A lot of the time I feel inadequate but I’m really working on believing that I am enough.
Sometimes I feel hopeless.
I am loved (although sometimes I feel unlovable).
I am stronger than I think.
I am an encourager who is learning how to be encouraged.
Sometimes I feel proud of my accomplishments and sometimes I am worried that I won’t amount to anything.
I believe that life is better when you’re laughing.
I am incredibly sarcastic.
I believe that vulnerability leads to connection.
I am a complex hodgepodge of emotions and feelings.
I am learning that it’s okay to not be okay.
I’m glad to be alive.
I am who I am and I am learning how to accept that.